 it's just the bass player again, every one calm down |
tchandler 
Daniel Amos
Registration Date: 03-22-2002
Posts: 1,061
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| it's just the bass player again, every one calm down |
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hi kids! it's friday. and that means it's time for a story. no it's not a DA story, it's an America's Funniest Videos moment. no i didn't get hit in the crotch with a baseball bat but it's almost as good! it was a rather spectacular event last thanksgiving and it's truly a shame that no one was standing by with a camera. (even though it happened to me, it was hysterically funny, even at the moment.)
i was with my family at a friends house along with a large number of people. so many in fact that the hostess had to put several tables together in order to seat everyone.
my wife and i sat across from each other at what appeared to be a card table. it was pushed up against another table and what the hostess failed to mention was that each of it's four legs was resting on a stack of 5 books to bring it up to the level of the table next to it. (it had a long tablecloth which hid the accident-waiting-to-happen setup.)
yes, of course you can see this coming down the block. we had all just been seated, said grace, and all i did was lift my knife and fork and just baaaaarely touch a piece of turkey.
in a monty python-like exaggeration of violence, the table instantly and completely collapsed, food and wine went flying and spraying into the air, glasses and plates crashed into splinters on the floor, and people were running and screaming.
i'm almost certain that at least one person had a large gob of dressing fly into their face and they had to do the old Oliver Hardy thing where they have to scoop the stuff out of each eye sockett, slowly, and then give a slow burn (at me, in this case.)
i'm also pretty sure that i fell down during the whole thing because i had food and wine all over me and derri of the Choir (sorry carl) and jerry chamberlain were both standing over me mocking and laughing.
well folks, how about you? any AFV moments at semi-formal (or other) gatherings? tell us if you fell down or got hit in the crotch with a baseball bat in front of a large group of people!
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04-16-2004 13:24 |
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baxter
Ubique Epoque
Registration Date: 09-19-2002
Posts: 15,687
Location: "Come, let us to our holy task again."
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That's hilarious Tim!
i got hit in the crotch with a line-drived softball in front of many of my junior high friends. That was not hilarious...to me.
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04-16-2004 13:28 |
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Lost Canine
Disjasked Lerna
Registration Date: 03-13-2002
Posts: 4,011
Location: On a rock in the ocean...literally
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You love feeding my sermon illustration file, don't you!
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04-16-2004 13:31 |
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tchandler
Daniel Amos
Registration Date: 03-22-2002
Posts: 1,061
Thread Starter 
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junior high line-drive-to-the-crotch incidents are dfinitely not funny at the time. i had a few of those too, baxter.
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04-16-2004 13:32 |
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carl
Platyhelminth
Registration Date: 03-15-2002
Posts: 6,960
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 yeah, but being the second-biggest fish in a small pond ain't nothin'! :P |
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| quote: |
Originally posted by tchandler
hi kids! it's friday. and that means it's time for a story. no it's not a DA story, it's an America's Funniest Videos moment. no i didn't get hit in the crotch with a baseball bat but it's almost as good! it was a rather spectacular event last thanksgiving and it's truly a shame that no one was standing by with a camera. (even though it happened to me, it was hysterically funny, even at the moment.)
i was with my family at a friends house along with a large number of people. so many in fact that the hostess had to put several tables together in order to seat everyone.
my wife and i sat across from each other at what appeared to be a card table. it was pushed up against another table and what the hostess failed to mention was that each of it's four legs was resting on a stack of 5 books to bring it up to the level of the table next to it. (it had a long tablecloth which hid the accident-waiting-to-happen setup.)
yes, of course you can see this coming down the block. we had all just been seated, said grace, and all i did was lift my knife and fork and just baaaaarely touch a piece of turkey.
in a monty python-like exaggeration of violence, the table instantly and completely collapsed, food and wine went flying and spraying into the air, glasses and plates crashed into splinters on the floor, and people were running and screaming.
i'm almost certain that at least one person had a large gob of dressing fly into their face and they had to do the old Oliver Hardy thing where they have to scoop the stuff out of each eye sockett, slowly, and then give a slow burn (at me, in this case.)
i'm also pretty sure that i fell down during the whole thing because i had food and wine all over me and derri of the Choir (sorry carl) and jerry chamberlain were both standing over me mocking and laughing.
well folks, how about you? any AFV moments at semi-formal (or other) gatherings? tell us if you fell down or got hit in the crotch with a baseball bat in front of a large group of people! |
Now y'r just sucking up so that K-9 will do sermons about you every week.... 
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04-16-2004 13:33 |
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tchandler
Daniel Amos
Registration Date: 03-22-2002
Posts: 1,061
Thread Starter
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LK-9 -- man, i think you could find a sermon in almost anything. that's a gift!
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04-16-2004 13:34 |
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JR88
Disjasked Lerna
Registration Date: 05-01-2003
Posts: 4,896
Location: The Earth Household.
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That's a great "funny" story Tim 
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04-16-2004 13:34 |
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tchandler
Daniel Amos
Registration Date: 03-22-2002
Posts: 1,061
Thread Starter
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| quote: |
| Now y'r just sucking up so that K-9 will do sermons about you every week.... |
("please, LK-9, PLEASE speak of me!!!!!"
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04-16-2004 13:35 |
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sprinklerhead
Ceremonial Kernel
Registration Date: 12-11-2003
Posts: 1,290
Location: Austin, TX
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| RE: it's just the bass player again, every one calm down |
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| quote: |
Originally posted by tchandler
well folks, how about you? any AFV moments at semi-formal (or other) gatherings? tell us if you fell down or got hit in the crotch with a baseball bat in front of a large group of people! |
I shared mine yesterday in the "snow" thread.
Can't beat fun at the county fair.
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I had another dream about lions at the door
They weren't half as frightening as they were before
But I'm thinking about eternity
And I'm wondering where the lions are...
I'm wondering where the lions are...
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04-16-2004 13:38 |
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DwDunphy
Ceremonial Kernel
Registration Date: 08-18-2003
Posts: 1,817
Location: Red Bank, New Jersey
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| No spectacular stories to tell |
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For Easter we had a huge glazed ham and I went and overdid it.
About twenty minutes of extreme stomach heaviness later, I knew it was gonna get ugly. Problem was, my brother who is known for his crapper sabbaticals, was reigning o'er the throne.
What to do? What to do?
I ran down to the basement and blew chunks down the sump-pump hole.
Hey. You asked.
DwD
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04-16-2004 13:39 |
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tchandler
Daniel Amos
Registration Date: 03-22-2002
Posts: 1,061
Thread Starter
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04-16-2004 13:40 |
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JR88
Disjasked Lerna
Registration Date: 05-01-2003
Posts: 4,896
Location: The Earth Household.
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I was trying to get some good pictures of Mike and Mark in MO and trying to stay out of the Videographer's way I tripped over my own feets and fell to an embarrassing thud. 
Hope he didn't get that on video
It was kinda funny though
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04-16-2004 13:41 |
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sprinklerhead
Ceremonial Kernel
Registration Date: 12-11-2003
Posts: 1,290
Location: Austin, TX
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| RE: No spectacular stories to tell |
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| quote: |
Originally posted by DwDunphy
For Easter we had a huge glazed ham and I went and overdid it.
About twenty minutes of extreme stomach heaviness later, I knew it was gonna get ugly. Problem was, my brother who is known for his crapper sabbaticals, was reigning o'er the throne.
What to do? What to do?
I ran down to the basement and blew chunks down the sump-pump hole.
Hey. You asked.
DwD |
That's one to tell the grandkids!!
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I had another dream about lions at the door
They weren't half as frightening as they were before
But I'm thinking about eternity
And I'm wondering where the lions are...
I'm wondering where the lions are...
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04-16-2004 13:42 |
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tchandler
Daniel Amos
Registration Date: 03-22-2002
Posts: 1,061
Thread Starter
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sprinklerhead -- just read your story in the snow thread. that's a classic!!
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04-16-2004 13:46 |
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sprinklerhead
Ceremonial Kernel
Registration Date: 12-11-2003
Posts: 1,290
Location: Austin, TX
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Might have won the big prize at AFV if we had the camera.
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I had another dream about lions at the door
They weren't half as frightening as they were before
But I'm thinking about eternity
And I'm wondering where the lions are...
I'm wondering where the lions are...
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04-16-2004 13:51 |
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Mountain Fan
Ubique Epoque
Registration Date: 10-09-2003
Posts: 14,224
Location: NC, Alive and Kicking, BOBD
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| RE: it's just the bass player again, every one calm down |
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That's a great story, Tim!
So, who was talkin' the MOST turkey?
__________________
Got a few miles left ...
Make sure you have heard a Kind Word! 
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04-16-2004 14:04 |
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Mountain Fan
Ubique Epoque
Registration Date: 10-09-2003
Posts: 14,224
Location: NC, Alive and Kicking, BOBD
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I know I've had plenty of moments but my frazzled mind is drawing a blank right now. Probably because of your rock star self appearing here again!
I did see an episode of AFV recently where there was this wedding and the guy (best man?) was blindfolded and getting ready to go up the "brides" dress for the garter... except that it wasn't the bride! Another guy (groom?) had taken the brides' place, complete with frilly skirt. That guy sure looked embarassed when he took his blindfold off after he made a big show of going up the dress to get the garter.
More fun than pin the tail on the donkey, huh?
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Got a few miles left ...
Make sure you have heard a Kind Word!
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04-16-2004 14:12 |
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dennis
Ubique Epoque
Registration Date: 09-19-2002
Posts: 13,303
Location: In not-quite earth, in not-quite heaven.
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In the 6th grade it was "cool" to kick each other in the nuts!
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I'm talkin' bout the Vinyl , the Holy Vinyl.
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04-16-2004 15:22 |
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bereal
Ubique Epoque
Registration Date: 03-08-2004
Posts: 11,824
Location: "I still love Jesus, I'm just afraid of His followers." DwDunphy
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| quote: |
Originally posted by Mountain Fan
I know I've had plenty of moments but my frazzled mind is drawing a blank right now. Probably because of your rock star self appearing here again!
I did see an episode of AFV recently where there was this wedding and the guy (best man?) was blindfolded and getting ready to go up the "brides" dress for the garter... except that it wasn't the bride! Another guy (groom?) had taken the brides' place, complete with frilly skirt. That guy sure looked embarassed when he took his blindfold off after he made a big show of going up the dress to get the garter.
More fun than pin the tail on the donkey, huh? |
Just a clarification:
I watched this same AFV with MF and I believe it was the groom going up the "bride's" dress for the garter (except it was the best man disguised). The groom was completely embarrassed and the bride looked quite pleased. 
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Holy God break me, Holy Lord take me
Lay your crushing hand, Your mighty hand, On me gently
Your crushing hand, Your mighty hand, On me gently
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04-17-2004 00:24 |
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bereal
Ubique Epoque
Registration Date: 03-08-2004
Posts: 11,824
Location: "I still love Jesus, I'm just afraid of His followers." DwDunphy
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| quote: |
Originally posted by dennis
In the 6th grade it was "cool" to kick each other in the nuts!
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In the 8th grade, a guy was bugging me while we were in line for water. I told him over and over to leave me alone and he wouldn't. So I turned around and kneeed (spelling? 
) him in the nuts! He was in a lot of pain the rest of the day, and he never bothered me again.
)
__________________
Holy God break me, Holy Lord take me
Lay your crushing hand, Your mighty hand, On me gently
Your crushing hand, Your mighty hand, On me gently
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04-17-2004 00:28 |
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