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Posted by tchandler on 11-07-2003 at09:29:

  travelog

hi folks--

due to the recent lower rate of posting on the ol' damb, and by way of trying to do my part, here's a recent travel adventure. this sort of thing happens to me all the time and i'm sure it's happened to you.

the company i work for was flying me out of NYC and somehow got me a first class ticket at somewhere near the "coach" price. (this never happens and i always fly coach. it was a nice surprise but not a big deal to me. i'm used to coach.) i had to make a connection in memphis before i got home to nashville.

at the airport in NY they gave me two cardboard printouts that looked to me like tickets. at the departure gate, i handed over the first one and got on the plane in NY. when i got to memphis, as i was getting ready to board the plane, i handed over the second one and this, word for word, is what happened:

Northwest Airlines Lady: this isn't a ticket, sir.

me: excuse me?

Northwest Airlines Lady: i said, this isn't a ticket, sir.

me: (smiling) i heard you, i just don't understand wh--

Northwest Airlines Lady: i'll need to see your ticket, sir.

me: that's all they gave me.

Northwest Airlines Lady: no it's not. this is a receipt for a ticket, but they gave you an actual ticket.

me: no, honestly, that's all they gave me.

Northwest Airlines Lady: no it's not.

me: ma'am, i'm trying to tell you--

Northwest Airlines Lady: that's not all they gave you. they gave you a ticket as well.

me: ma'am, please listen to me. i--

Northwest Airlines Lady: ticket please?

me: but i--

Northwest Airlines Lady: then you've lost your ticket?

me: no. please, i'm not an eight year old. i know exactly what they gave me and i didn't lose anything.

Northwest Airlines Lady: i'm sorry, sir, i can't let you on the plane without a ticket.


(the last person has now boarded the plane and the plane is ready to leave.)


me: this doesn't make any sense. you told me this is a receipt for the ticket, so you know i've paid for the ticket.

Northwest Airlines Lady: yes, but you don't HAVE the ticket now, do you? i can't let you on the plane without it.

me: that makes no sense. here, look on the passenger charter. do you see my name?

Northwest Airlines Lady: (looking) hmmm, let's see. yes. here it is right here.

me: that would indicate that i've paid for a ticket then, correct?

Northwest Airlines Lady: that is correct, sir.

me: then why can't i just get on the plane?

Northwest Airlines Lady: you don't have your ticket.

me: (exasperated) BUT...BUT--

Northwest Airlines Lady: please don't make me say it again, sir.


(airplane engines revving)


me: (sigh) alright, what can i do then?

Northwest Airlines Lady: i'd have to charge you for a lost ticket.

me: oh, great. how much?

Northwest Airlines Lady: a hundred dollars.

me: (sigh -- i just wanna get home) ok, go ahead and do that.

Northwest Airlines Lady: i'm sorry, i can't do that, sir. there's not enough time.

me: what?! but you just said--

Northwest Airlines Lady: the plane is leaving, sir.

me: but--

Northwest Airlines Lady: that process would take too long, sir.

me: PLEASE, JUST TELL ME WHAT I CAN DO TO GET ON THE PLANE!

Northwest Airlines Lady: i'll have to sell you a new ticket, sir.

me: a new ticket!! oh man, i don't believe this. ok, ok! just something in "coach" then, please.

Northwest Airlines Lady: (looking) hmmmm, let's see. no, i'm sorry. i won't be able to do that.

me: what?! why not?!

Northwest Airlines Lady: there's only one seat left. and it's in first class.

me: THAT'S BECAUSE IT'S MY SEAT! THE ONE I'VE ALREADY PAID FOR! THE ONE I HAVE THIS "RECEIPT" FOR!!

Northwest Airlines Lady: they're closing the cabin doors, sir.

me: alright! i'll take it. look, at least i'll get the discount i got in NY, right?!

Northwest Airlines Lady: no sir, i'm sorry but i'll have to charge you the full first class fare.

me: what?!!

((yes, you guessed correctly. i paid through the nose, i paid twice for the exact same seat just so i could get home.))

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Posted by jiminy on 11-07-2003 at09:35:

 

I am begining to believe not that real life is stranger than fiction-
but that real life IS FICTION!!!!!!

I am keeping that story tim- it is to good to NOT be true

thats what happens when you are the "Wrong George" (See Chavall Guivera ) I guess.....

I'm still chuckling........

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Posted by tchandler on 11-07-2003 at09:41:

 

hey jiminy--

i swear it's all true! it was so ridiculous, it brought back memories of living on the road. something like that would inevitably happen every so often.

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Posted by jiminy on 11-07-2003 at09:43:

 

And I cant help but think of an old
Politically incorrect line..

"No Tickee, No washee"

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Posted by tchandler on 11-07-2003 at09:46:

 

(lol) that's what it was!

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Posted by JR88 on 11-07-2003 at10:04:

 

now that's a funny story now you guys need to make another album so you can pay for that ticket

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Posted by baxter on 11-07-2003 at10:31:

 

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Posted by wes berlin on 11-07-2003 at10:51:

 

tim,

that is one funny story! i am just sorry you had to live it.

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Posted by baxter on 11-07-2003 at10:58:

 

Isn't that what i said?

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Posted by tchandler on 11-07-2003 at10:59:

 

hey, wes -- seems to happen all the time, for some reason. i'm also always the guy who gets strip searched at security. do i really look THAT much like a swarthy, middle-aged, out of shape terrorist?

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Posted by tchandler on 11-07-2003 at11:00:

 

and yes, baxter, i think you did say that.

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Posted by baxter on 11-07-2003 at11:00:



not a bit, not a bit.

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Posted by Woggy on 11-07-2003 at11:31:

 

quote:

Originally posted by tchandler hey, wes -- seems to happen all the time, for some reason. i'm also always the guy who gets strip searched at security. do i really look THAT much like a swarthy, middle-aged, out of shape terrorist?

Hmmmmmmmmmmmm..............WELL, maybe not a terrorist, but possibly a swarthy, middle-aged, drug-carrying ROCK star!!

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Posted by DaLe on 11-07-2003 at11:34:

great story

...well, you know what I mean.

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Posted by tchandler on 11-07-2003 at11:36:

 

hi woggy -- how are ya? i was just making fun of that particular image of myself in the danieal amos/lost dogs pics thread. (there's some pretty cool ones of gene, though.)

yours,

mr. unphotogenic

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Posted by tchandler on 11-07-2003 at11:36:

 

hey, dale!

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Posted by Lost Canine on 11-07-2003 at11:47:

 

Tim,
That is a beautiful opening story for my sermon on Sunday. Do I have your permission to use it (I'll even splash your pic on the big screen!)
LK-9

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Posted by Woggy on 11-07-2003 at11:50:

 

quote:

Originally posted by tchandler hi woggy -- how are ya? i was just making fun of that particular image of myself in the daniel amos/lost dogs pics thread. (there's some pretty cool ones of gene, though.) yours, mr. unphotogenic

Doing well..................................sounds like your little airport experience was absolutely delightful!

So, when do you get the refund for the first ticket you bought, huh?

Don't hold your breath!!!!!!

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Posted by Squidzit on 11-07-2003 at11:51:

 

I'd be calling that airline and ripping someone a new face!





I'd repent tomorrow!

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Posted by zippetydoodaddy on 11-07-2003 at12:01:

 

It's a great script! It's very much like the scene in Meet The Parents when Focker is trying to put his oversize luggage in the overhead bin.

Hey Timbo,

How are you with the low ceilings in planes?

Is your neck sore after a flight?

Are you usually the emergency exit door man?

Do you like to look out the window?

What's the deal with airplane food? I mean it's not an airplane and it's not food? What's the deal?

The dry air in airplanes is so dry that I usually have a hard booger emergency. This is compounded with the fact that in coach I am squashed between other travelers and it becomes difficult to pick the crispies discreetly. What do you recommend?

I can't make a doody in a airplane restroom. I usually imagine myself getting sucked out of the plane so I get too nervous to stay through completion. How 'bout you?

Do you call them Stewardess, Flight Attendant, or Sky Waitress?

-ZZZZZip