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Posted by Shemp on 05-07-2002 at13:52:

  More corn...

If Mississippi lent Missouri her New Jersey, what would Delaware? Idaho, Alsaka!

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Posted by Andrew on 05-07-2002 at20:23:

 

What do you call blind Bambi?

no eye deer.

What do you call a blind Bambi with no legs?

Still no eye deer

What do you call a blind Bambi with no legs and leaking heamoglobin?

Still bloody no eye deer.

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Posted by Andrew on 05-07-2002 at20:24:

 

What do you call a cow with no legs?

A Ranch Slider

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Posted by Jim Muglia on 05-07-2002 at22:56:

  moo regarding the previous joke

Greetings,

I always heard the previous joke as:

What do you call a cow with no legs?
Ground beef.

Take care,
Jim

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Posted by Gamgee on 05-08-2002 at10:15:

 

What do you call a guy with no arms and no legs on your front porch?
Matt

What do you call a guy with no arms and no legs in a pool?
Bob

What do you call a guy with nor arms and no legs in a hot tub?
Stu

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Posted by carl on 05-08-2002 at10:42:

  Which brings us to....

What do you call a guy with no arms and no legs going over a fence?

Homer.

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Posted by ™ on 05-08-2002 at13:21:

  Waiter, there's a f-l-y in my alphabet soup!

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Posted by Mr. Spoke on 05-08-2002 at13:31:

  If you drop your waffle on the beach

where are you?

Sandy Eggo!
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
(for those non-Californians: San Diego)

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Posted by Andrew on 05-08-2002 at16:28:

 

What do you call a guy with no arms and no legs who swims the English Channel?

Clever Dick.

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Posted by Andrew on 05-08-2002 at16:31:

 

What do you call a man under a car?

Jack

What do you call a man with a shovel in his head?

Doug

What do you call him once the shovel has been taken out?

Douglas

(just to show I'm not biased against my own name - one of my kids favourite jokes)

Knock knock

Who's there?

Andrew

Andrew who?

Andrew on the blackboard

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Posted by ™ on 05-08-2002 at16:31:

  well so much for tryin' to change

the rating of this thread-

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Posted by Joey T. on 08-22-2002 at19:25:

 

quote:

Originally posted by Jim Muglia Greetings, Ghandi was a deeply religious man. He and his followers would often walk on long pilgimages barefoot. A somewhat frail man, he was known to deny himself by fasting a lot. As a result of this fasting he would often have bad breath. Because of these things he was known as a "super-calloused fragile mystic aneorexic with halitosis". ba-da-bing!!! Take care, Jim

Hey, Jim does have a sense of humour.

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Posted by Mark on 08-22-2002 at19:44:

 

Yes, it appears so.

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Posted by Lost Canine on 08-22-2002 at22:53:

 

Maybe the whole mess is his sense of humor.

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Posted by BigDork on 08-23-2002 at00:17:

 

quote:

Originally posted by Lost Canine Maybe the whole mess is his sense of humor.

I think it is, but it just got a little out of hand.





BD

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Posted by jc on 08-23-2002 at09:53:

  IS THAT LIKE.......

SLIGHT OF HAND?
OR OUT OF HAND OUT OF SIGHT?
..HAND OUT?
SURE , I'LL TAKE ONE.
jImNY

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Posted by Woggy on 08-23-2002 at12:31:

  More No Arm, No Leg jokes

these are some of my favorites.

What do you call a guy with no arms & no legs, sitting in your mailbox?

Bill

What do you call a guy with no arms & no legs, hanging on your wall?

Art

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Posted by Gamgee on 08-23-2002 at12:36:

 

quote:

Originally posted by Jim Muglia Greetings, Ghandi was a deeply religious man. He and his followers would often walk on long pilgimages barefoot. A somewhat frail man, he was known to deny himself by fasting a lot. As a result of this fasting he would often have bad breath. Because of these things he was known as a "super-calloused fragile mystic aneorexic with halitosis". ba-da-bing!!! Take care, Jim

It seems kinda strange now, but it was Jim that started this great lame joke thread... Thanks, Jim!

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Posted by Gamgee on 08-23-2002 at12:44:

 

A guy buys a parrot. Unfortunately, this parrot once belonged to a sailor, and has a very colorful vocabulary. As soon as the guy brings it home, it lets out a string of curses that makes South Park seem like Sesame Street. "Listen," the guy says to the bird. "You better stop using that kind of language, or you'll regret it." The parrot responds by using even fouler language. That evening the guy has his girlfriend, her parents, and his pastor over for dinner. The parrot lets fly with language that kills all the plants in the room, as well as any small animals on the block. The dinner does not go too well, needless to say, so after everyone leaves the guy is really mad. "Okay," he says. "One more curse out of you, and you're gonna get it. The parrot responds by using language that strips the paint from the walls. So the guy shoves the parrot into the freezer. The curses get worse for a while, but then the parrot evantually shuts up. The guy pulls the parrot out of his fridge, and says, "Did you learn your lesson?" The parrot replies, "Yeah, I did. But I just have one question: what did the chicken do?"

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Posted by Woggy on 08-23-2002 at13:02:

  Tom Swifties

These are fun:

"I can't believe I ate that whole pineapple!" Tom said, dolefully.

"That's the last time I'll ever pet a lion," Tom said, offhandedly.

"I'll never sleep on the railroad tracks again!" Tom said, beside himself.

"That's the third electric shock I've gotten this week!" Tom said, revolted.

"I'm never anywhere on time," Tom related.

"I won't let a flat tire get me down," Tom said, without despair.

"That car you sold me has defective steering!" Tom said, straightforwardly.

"I've been on a diet," Tom expounded.

"I'll have to send that telegram again," Tom said, remorsefully.

"I keep banging my head on things," Tom said, bashfully.